ONE
Stubbornness is a gift. It's a bit of a double-edged sword - which I'm sure you've noticed. But it's truly a gift.
Whether you are dealing with someone else's stubbornness - or your own (or both). Consider what information or signals are being offered to you in this situation.
When we hit immovable walls - the question should not be how to tear down or break through the wall. The question is not how to get around it.
The question should be: is this wall showing me that there's a new direction that would be a far better option for all involved?
Imagine being on a trail and a boulder blocks your path. Turning back the way you came would be a waste of the effort and energy it took to get you this far. The natural first thought is how to get around the boulder - but if you have been trying to get around that boulder for a while with no progress. That boulder is more likely indicating that you need to go in a different direction.
Turn left. Turn right. Cut trail.
Going back loses ground. Going forward is not an option. Take a turn.
There is no such thing as a THIS or THAT scenario. There is always another option. Get creative. Be brave.
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TWO
You are a smart person. You take to things rather quickly - a natural problem solver, and an infinite pool of ideas.
You also struggle more than most when you have to be a student. It's a bit of a paradox - because you love to learn. But man, you really suck at sucking. Which is sort of what learning is all about.
You can have a bit of a defeatist attitude when you aren't immediately catching on to something or there are some bumps to the learning curve.
It's sort of the crux of the privilege of being a smart and adept person. You get so used to being good at things, at catching on - because you are so smart and so capable. When something needs a bit more time to settle into your sense of understanding or comprehension you may be inclined to push it away or give up.
That's not the answer for you right now.
Lean into your discomfort.
Let yourself suck.
You need to master the skill of being a student. There needs to be a willingness to fail. A willingness to show up vulnerably... to ask questions, to risk (gasp) someone thinking you're stupid.
Ask questions, and allow people to guide you. LISTEN when someone is telling you something (even if you think you know better).
Remember, the smartest person in the room - is usually the person who realizes they are not the smartest person in the room.
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THREE
I know you like to stay out of the drama. And bless your heart - me too.
But sometimes... respectfully. With love. Bestie, you are the drama - and 'staying out of it' or saying 'whatever, I don't want the drama' and then hightailing it - is the epitome of what it means to be the drama.
Be honest with yourself. Are you staying out of it because you truly think that's the best way to diffuse the situation? Or is your lack of involvement perpetuating unnecessary discourse?
Accountability is both very brave - and very thankless. Which is probably why it is so rare to come by. Holding yourself accountable won't have any immediate gratification - oftentimes, it makes things more difficult for you in the moment.
Taking the brave and often vulnerable steps into being accountable is a long-term investment. It's something that we notice years later... when we have richer and deeper relationships. When we access new levels of intimate connection and find trust we've never had before.
Additionally... it fosters a very, very LOW-drama environment.
If you're really and truly ready to reduce the drama in your life - then find a trusted space, and allow yourself to explore where you can hold yourself accountable and take necessary actions to right yourself.
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