ONE
Boundaries are important. And conflict is uncomfortable - often intimidating.
And I’m glad you are working on implementing the framework that makes you feel safe, respected, loved, and valued.
The act of drawing boundaries is an art form. To be able to be familiar with your own needs and honor them.
It can be really tricky to navigate the space of what it means to create true boundaries. And to be able to do so without causing harm or becoming unnecessarily blunt or mean.
Boundaries are not the words you say - these are requests. True boundaries are the actions you take. The words - the requests, are a communication. A transparency of your feelings and experience. The actions you take are the true boundaries - the natural consequence of that person being unable to fulfill your request.
These actions don’t need to be harsh - and are often more effective when they aren’t. Withdrawing is an action, choosing to step out of a conversation is an action. Cancelling plans, clicking unfollow, saying ‘no thank you’ - these are all actions. And none that are harmful. It doesn’t mean someone won’t be offended or hurt, we can't control someone's response - but these actions are all objectively non-harming.
And try to remember. Though there are a lot of people who violate boundaries crudely and maliciously. Most people are violating boundaries ignorantly. They are not aware that they are causing you the experience and discomfort that they are. Or they are unable to understand or comprehend the experience you are having.
True compassion is not allowing them to continue to harm you or violate your boundaries. Rather it is giving yourself permission to honour your needs - without the expectation that the other person needs to understand and/or validate you in the way that you hope they would.
Take an honest look at how how your own actions, behaviours, and choices - and how you might be able to make shifts that support your desires, needs, and values.
Your heart deserves to be protected; and you can protect it without causing injury to others.
P.S. That need you feel to explain or justify your actions (your true execution of holding a boundary) to the person that has [repeatedly] violated them - is often you searching for validation. You don’t need to offer up this explanation (especially if you’ve already communicated through a request). You can simply take the actions. If they ask for explanation - you can choose to offer it up, or opt not to. But be honest with yourself if you find yourself searching for validation in a person that is unable to offer it to you.
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TWO
Do you recognize how truly impactful you are? How much your integrity, compassion, inner-strength, wisdom, and life-experience has been a navigational beacon for others?
You are a guiding light to those that keep company with you.
You have impacted more people than you know you have.
When you begin to doubt if what you are called to is working - or worth it - or if it’s appreciated… know that you will never truly know the impact of what you’ve created until your body is ashes in the earth.
That is not the part of the experience that is important for you, my friend. You are meant to simply be who you are. To have and share the experiences you have. And operate in a way that feels natural and authentic to you. But the ‘result’ of this is not something you will ever truly become wise to.
You are not meant to create from a place that is based off of external input or feedback. In fact, becoming too aware of this might have you collapsing in on yourself.
Maybe you can recall a time you’ve received a surplus of recognition or attention. What happened then? Did you go stagnant, ‘self-sabotage’, or freeze?
It’s not because you were successful. Success is not the factor that caused the break here (so you can unlink that limiting belief/story) - it was simply that you are not meant to operate under the scrutiny of others’ eyes or input.
This doesn’t mean you can’t have an audience to your success. It means you need to disconnect the importance of having that audience. It means you need to continue to create and share from a place that is within you. To stay real and true to what you are called to be and do.
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THREE
Do you believe you can truly have it all?
And if you don’t - why not?
What beliefs are standing the way of you and your dreams?
Things won’t always become what we think they ought to be. But it also doesn’t mean that they always have to be the way they are now.
Are you truly open to what’s possible for you? Are you open to what life wants to give you and offer you - even when it look differently than the picture in your mind.
In what way might you be resisting the wonderful offerings that life has for you - simply because they aren’t coming the packages you were hoping for?
Satisfaction. Joy. Happiness. Contentment. Fulfillment. These are all things that can only be lasting when they are created from within. And I know you’re probably sick of hearing that. When it’s like: ‘Yeah, yeah. But it’s certainly easier to be happy and fulfilled when I don’t have to worry about bill payments and debt accumulation’ (and whatever else real life has served up).
Fair. So let’s try to put it this way.
Imagine what it is you want for yourself. Your relationships, your career, your home, your family, your creative outlets - etc.
And then recognize that you will always have problems, challenges, hurdles, and complications. Despite whatever circumstances you’re in.
What do you want your problems to look like in that scenario? What kinds of challenges do you want to have? What kinds of problems do you think you would come up in your ideal world? Because problems, challenges, and struggle are inevitable. Despite our environment or privilege.
Do you need to re-evaluate your relationship with challenge? Do you need to build on or foster your inner-resilience so that you can see your challenges with an attitude that embraces your capabilities.
Essentially, can you look at yourself and decide if you are perhaps hyping up your problems - more than you are hyping up yourself to manage those problems.
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Thank you for your support, I am endlessly and always grateful.
Happy Cancer Season all. Keep your feelings close, and your Cancer friends closer.
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