How do you cancel upload on this thing? 

I’ve changed my mind. I am not ready to join the tribe of parenthood. I think I would just like to status quo my life for the next handful of years please. Thank you. 

Have you ever noticed that people with children have this funny way about them when you tell them you’re expecting. Like they’ve all joined the same cult and bringing you on board is SO GOOD for business. Same sort of weird feeling you get if you’ve ever expressed interest in joining an MLM business. 

Their eyes are kind of glazed over as they giddily congratulate you into their culture. 

As much as I willingly stepped into this… I’m having second thoughts. And the cult-y parent people aren’t helping making this appear more enticing. 

I don’t know. I’m just – I mean – I want to sleep when I want to. And shower when I want. I don’t want to wear adult diapers… 

I’ve even asked my husband if he’d give birth to our next kid (I mean, I’m hosting and delivering this one – he should have a go, right? Only fair.) and he said no. Rude. 

I’ve been doing my best not to read too much on babies and pregnancy – but at the same time not read too little. Because both of these are issues apparently. 

For instance, I recently learned that babes are not supposed to sleep on their stomach. And did you know their heads can get misshapen if you leave them on their back too long? (No one ever really defines what ‘too long’ is either). So this is why new parents don’t get any sleep. And also why second and third siblings have weird shaped heads. 

And then everyone has an opinion on everything; and each perspective is obviously the correct because they have some evidence that their child has accomplished some feat within the 99th percentile or they’re some sort of Mozart 2-year-old or something. 

OMG. You guys. There’s SO much to think about. 

It also doesn’t super help that my husband says stuff like: 

“What if our kid ends up with your gums, and my teeth??” 

[In case you don’t know. I have abnormally large gums, and my husband has abnormally small teeth. Thank you darling for adding this to my list of spiralling anxieties.] 

Yeah. So anyways, this was a nice thought and all – but maybe it would’ve been cool if we’d have had a few more months of trying to conceive so that maybe my brain could’ve wrapped around this concept more… or I could’ve gone back on birth control like a really smart person and avoided this whole situation altogether. 

Hindsight… 20:20.