I was going to wait a week… Safe to say, that didn’t happen. Waiting any amount of time when you’re sucked in the vortex of the most epic anxiety tornado you’ve ever experienced is more or less impossible. I need to know if I should make that list NOW. I can’t lose a week of potential productivity! 

I peed on a new stick the next day. 

I bought 3 more pregnancy tests from the dollar store. Did you know they’re only $1.25 there? And word on the street is they work like a damn. 

I peed again. Put the test by the sink again. I waited, again. I sat on a teeter-totter of my own emotional making. Again. 

And then I looked at the stick. A faint line – but slightly less faint than the first – appeared on the window that indicates a positive test. 

F*CK.

I think it’s real. 

I peed on two more sticks. More pink lines popped up. 

(If anyone’s keeping track here – by the end of the week, I ended up taking a total of 6 pregnancy tests. Because I just need reassurance like that.) 

HOW IS THIS EVEN POSSIBLE?? 

Okay whatever I know how it’s possible. But you guys!! We only had unprotected sex ONCE. ONE TIME. Holy God. (Okay technically it was a weekend – and a busy weekend at that – but still.) All the lectures in Sex Ed were REAL. I was thinking this would take a few months at LEAST. I am not physically, emotionally or mentally prepared for this. 

This is insane. I am incredibly overwhelmed; and legitimately terrified. Why did we decide to do this? I CAN’T REMEMBER WHY WE DECIDED THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA.

My husband is away at work. He’s not home for 10 days. I don’t want to tell him over the phone… I have to wait TEN DAYS to tell my husband that our lives are about to be renovated?? Omg. I need one of those paper bags to breathe into.

I don’t want to tell anyone else before him either… Maybe I’ll grow a tumour from this next-level secret keeping. 

Talking to my husband on the phone for the next 10 days was nearly torture. When your best friend asks you “What’s new? What happened in your day today?” – and you’ve literally just found out the biggest, most epically, life-altering information but have to causally be like: “Oh yeah, nothing much, just the same old…” – it’s brutal. 

I had to think up a good way to tell him when he got home. Lucky for me, he flew back home close to our wedding anniversary. I put together a box with a few seemingly random (but very intentional) things: Kit Kat Bar (it’s his favourite) – a stress ball (I mean, I could’ve used one) – a cigar (tradition) – and finally… a pregnancy test (actually, I stuffed all six of those suckers in the very bottom of the box cause I knew he’d appreciate my neurosis). 

When I picked him up from the airport I was sweating. I didn’t even wait to drive him home. We pulled into a parking lot a few blocks away from the airport. 

I stick a camera in front of my husband’s face a lot (I’m thankful he’s such a good sport about my endlessly posting his ridiculousness on social media) so he wasn’t phased when I set up a camera while he opened his gift. He dug through and opened each individually wrapped item (that I placed in very specific order)… when he got to the pregnancy test, before unwrapping it, he dropped it. Twice. I nearly shat my pants. Luckily it was kind of double wrapped so it didn’t end up being spoiler. 

He opens it up. Looks at it. Flips it over (to read that it does in fact say ‘pregnant’ because you never know, I might put a negative test in there??) 

“No way.” His volume increased. “REALLY?? …GET OUTTA TOWN… THAT DIDN’T TAKE LONG!” 

He had almost a polar opposite response to mine. He was excited and happy – our only overlap was in experiencing surprise over the swiftness of our actually becoming pregnant – and the whole mind-blowing aspect of it all. He didn’t even need the stress ball. (I still use that stress ball…) 

I asked him later about feeling stressed and he said he actually felt better having a more solid plan. It was like this gave him a deadline to get focused, organized, and really start hustling for the things he wants. And boy has he ever gotten after it! I’m so proud of him. He’s starting a new job and he’s really pursuing what he wants. I’m using his example to light a fire under my own ass and get some things accomplished and dialled in. 

I’m not saying you should have a baby to get motivated… but I will say that having a baby will get you freakin’ motivated.